Cassie came out of the doctor’s office with a prescription. Her head still spun from the news. She placed her hand over her stomach and spread out her fingers. She was going to have a baby. They were going to have a baby. She shook her head, smiling widely.
After filling the prescription at her Pharmica on
Cassie pulled into the garage, clicking the automatic garage door opener. She could hear Boötes crying in the house as the door rattled shut. She unlocked the door into the house and entered the warm kitchen. Boötes met her, rubbing up against her ankles and purring. He jumped up to the breakfast nook table and waved his paw at her. She slung her bag on the back of the chair and scratched his ears. He butted his head against her hand. She smiled and patted him as Orion came sauntering in, looking for his own lovin’s. She crouched down and scratched Orion’s ears as he pressed up against her leg.
She stood back up and walked over to the counter where her daily vitamins waited in a stacked pill dispenser. She fussed with the prescription prenatal vitamins and added them to the rest of the week. The bottle was placed in with the other vitamin bottles, multi, calcium, EFA, etc. Her hand automatically stroked over the marble composite countertop. She loved this kitchen, and Brendan loved cooking in it, thank all that is holy.
She grabbed a water glass out of the cabinet and filled it from the spigot of cool filtered water on the door of the freezer. On the front of the fridge, she saw a yellow sheet of paper from one of the legal tablets with clear black writing stuck to the door with a heavy magnet. She pulled the paper off the fridge and took a sip of the clear cold water. After the first few words, she set the water down on the countertop with a hard crack. She read them again.
My dearest love, Cassiopeia,
I have no idea how to start this, but I know I have to finish it. My mother will not stop until she gets her way. I am going to go settle this. I still do not know how, but for out sake, and the sake of our future family, I need to end this, and I must do it alone. I cannot risk you once I’ve found you. I adore you and I would and will do anything to keep you safe.
There is one thing I must tell you, of the many hundreds of thousands of things I want to spend my life telling you. I tried last night, but I just could not get it out. I want to apologize first; please forgive me.
We had talked about true names on the day we met in
My true name is Taliesin, named for the bard. Mother had a lot of respect for bards, Shakespeare, Taliesin, etc. She hoped that I would be a great storyteller. I have no doubt been a terrible disappointment.
The note had more writing further down, and some on the back. Cassie turned it over in her hands, careful to keep her tears off of the precious paper.
“Rules for Ainsel,” the heading began, and in Brendan’s, rather Taliesin’s beautiful handwriting, it declared the following.
Rules for Ainsel
(Rather for dealing with Ainsel, really)
1. Never make a deal with him, even if it seems extremely advantageous. He’s had a lot more experience in the mortal world than you’d imagine.
2. Always be aware of his presence. Once you know he’s there, your natural wariness will help protect you, as well as your keen mind.
3. Always be aware of his location. He cannot disappear at will, only sneak away.
4. Never ask for his help, he will only help you if it is in his best interest. Better to offer him something in exchange for what you want. Better yet not to need it.
5. Finally, if you can, trick him into binding himself to you by oath. While he can squirm and lie, he cannot break an oath. That is how I slept at night.
Cassie laughed at the last, a strange hiccup bark combination, and a fresh round of tears poured out. She set down the note and blew her nose and generally felt miserable and alone. After she collected herself for a moment, she picked up the note again. A tiny arrow, perfectly rendered, indicated more on the other side of the page. She turned it over.
I know that you know that I love you, but I can not seem to express how very deep and true my love for you is. The rings we wear will always bind us together, no matter how far apart we are. I cannot begin to tell you how very sorry I am that I have to leave, but know this, we will be together soon. May the sun warm your face and may the wind be at your back until we are together once more. You are my light and my love.
Yours always in deepest love and tenderness,
Taliesin
Cassie found herself later on the couch with her feet tucked under her, holding the note gently between her fingertips. The glass of water sat on the coffee table in front of the couch, mostly untouched. Her handkerchief lay damp and limp next to her on the couch, and some used tissues littered the area, haven fallen like snowflakes on the floor, coffee table, and couch cushions. Orion lay curled next to her hip, his soothing purr rumbling loudly in the too quiet house. Boötes was pacing; it looked almost like he was acting as a sentinel, watching over them both as Orion attempted healing. He would occasionally butt his head against her far leg and she would automatically run her hand over his head and down his sleek back, barely feeling his soft, fine fur beneath her fingers.
She saw the remote for the stereo on the coffee table in front of her. Cassie picked it up and hit the random button. The first song that came on happened to be ‘Como Se Dice’ by Cabaret Diosa. Tears welled up in her eyes as she listened to the lyrics.
I wade through the months
Pretend that they’re days
Love connects the stars in dreams
A wise man says
And at night I see the fingers of your hand
But this strange language isn’t one I could command
Cassie wondered how long Brendan would be gone. Would it be hours or days? Could she stand it if it were weeks or months? Her tears fell into Orion’s fur and made little mats. Could she have this baby by herself? Her hand protectively rubbed across her still flat stomach, imagining the life growing inside her. A piece of Brendan would be with her always in their child. She shook her head. Taliesin, his name was Taliesin. In the background the music continued.
Do not wait too long
To come back when you’re gone, no
The wind blows cold
And the fire may die
As the rain falls down
The seasons had managed to change while she wasn’t looking. Well, actually, it was late fall now, winter and the gradual return of the light arrived in just over two weeks. She would be ten weeks along then, and somehow she knew she would be still alone. Her heart ached to think that her child, their child, might never know her father.
Can I belong?
There with you right now
Not here suffering
Longing for the love you bring
Orion snuggled his head in next to her knee, purring loudly. He would be there, not that he could change many diapers, but somehow knowing something would stay the same made her smile slightly. She rubbed her tear stains from his fur and kissed him on the head between the ears. He permitted the familiarity and continued to purr. Connections, right now that was what she needed more than anything. And what better connection for her than her sister, one who lived nearby and had a similar situation, so similar that Cassie wondered why she hadn’t thought of Andi earlier.
The fact was that she had, after Brendan, she wanted to tell Andi first. She unfolded her legs, wincing at the sleepy tingling in her left foot. Stretching, she wandered into the dining room and grabbed the cordless phone hanging off the wall. She was only momentarily disappointed when she got Andi and Eric’s voice mail message. She left a quick message, saying she wanted to get together soon for lunch and that Andi should come up to
She decided that the next thing she needed to do was eat, bringing up lunch made Cassie feel hungry, and she realized she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. A quick look at the clock told her it was nearly four in the afternoon. She wondered what if anything Brendan had told the staff at the restaurant, and now would be as good a time as any to find out. She slung her small hand bag over her shoulder and grabbed her keys. “Bye for now, boys, Mommie will be back in just a little bit.” Considering that she would be eating alone for the first time in months, she trotted upstairs and went into the small library to grab a paperback. In moments she was on the front porch locking the door and striding toward the Bush and Brier.
The oddest part of her interaction with Hugh, the redhead second in command at the B & B, wasn’t that Brendan was going to be gone at all. That seemed to be second nature to him; Brendan disappeared at will several times over the last few years. The strange part was that Hugh knew she was expecting. Not even Brendan knew, but this portly, round, balding little man knew she was going to have a baby.
“You look beautiful, Mrs. H. You should, you know, having a baby and all. All pregnant women are beautiful, I should know, my wife’s been pregnant enough, we have such a large and boisterous family, but you know that. Congratulations on your first. May she fulfill her potential and enjoy the love of a good man, when she is old enough and all.”
"Thank you, Hugh," was all Cassie could manage to stammer out after his effervescent congratulations. The fact that he thought the child would be a girl was interesting, both she and Brendan, scratch that, Taliesin, had thought their first would be a little girl. It didn't mean she knew, or even that they could know yet, but as she ate, she found it interesting.
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